History Repeated
by AlwysAlve
Summary: What if the night Bug came back and him and Lux were together, he got her pregnant? For the first time, Lux has insight into where Cate stood when she gave her up and how abandonment can change everything. Follow Lux as she struggles the way Cate did and learns, for sure, who in her life will always be there for her and who she can't count on. (Some scenes appear on show)
1. Chapter 1

"Bug, wait!" Still pulling on her coat, Lux calls out to her boyfriend, the cold, dark figure who is now hurrying away from her down the sidewalk.

"Bug! Come back!" she tries again.

"You lied to my face." he shoots at her. The words, filled with anger, erupt from the hooded guy, now just inches in front of Lux.

"It's not like that," she tries to explain to him. The closer Lux gets to Bug, the more she wants to look him in the face, to make him understand that he has no reason to be angry. If she could just see his face, she could make him understand everything. But he doesn't understand. "Then what's it like?" Bug snaps at her, "Before I left you and Abercrombie were riding around on my motorcycle together and now you're talking about having sex with him?" Finally catching up to Bug, Lux puts herself next to Bug, trying to make eye contact with him without any luch.

"I'm not having sex with him," Lux explains, "We're just going to the Winter Formal together. It's no big deal, okay?"

"So what? You're dating the quarterback now?" Bug mocks darkly, "Trying to be what? The prom queen?" The words hit Lux, stinging, but not for more than a second. She's learned to bounce back from this sort of thing. "I'm not trying to be anything. Except...Except for maybe normal." As the words squeeze past her lips, Lux finds herself back to the all-too familiar state of feeling smaller and smaller every second. "Maybe I just wanted to have a normal life for once," Lux admits to herself more than Bug. _Don't be small, _she tells herself, _don't be ashamed. _

"So you asked me to come back so you could rub your normal life in my face? Is that it?" Bug's angry, harsh words hit Lux but, again, don't stick as the sweet blonde girl finds some dignity.

"I didn't do anything wrong, Bug!" As the words find their way past Lux's lips, she finds that her feet have stopped moving. She's not chasing him anymore. It doesn't take long before her words bring Bug to a stop too and he turns to look at her. Lux knows it's time to say everything, everything she's been wanting to say, needing to say for weeks. "You weren't around, you bailed. I didn't even know if you were coming back." The words flow and Lux uses all of her strength to keep the newly attained eye contact. If Bug can't see what she's been feeling, all of this means nothing. But Lux can tell that now, he gets it. "It felt like Hell when you left," With these words, Lux knows that she can't let the tears break free in front of him. Not this time. "And now," she continues, "Here you are and somehow you make me feel even worse."

Lux knows Bug hears her, and she can almost see his facade of toughness beginning to fail, but she knows she has more to say. "I thought you said you wanted to change." Bam. For a moment, just a moment, his guard is down. The first time since he was five. _Keep going, _Lux reminds herself, _don't stop now._ "It doesn't feel that much different to me."

Without another word, another sound from either of them, Lux turns around and walks off, headed back to her dads' loft. All she wants is for Bug to come back for her, follow after her, say SOMETHING to her. But, he doesn't. Lux doesn't even have to look to feel him turn the opposite way and leave.

"I tried," Lux whispers to herself.


	2. Chapter 2

"I'm not going to let him ruin my night." Lux says, looking at herself in the mirror. She knows she looks gorgeous. Her hair glitters along with the shiny pink dress and her makeup brings out every last drop beauty she has to offer.

"Everything's going to be alright tonight," Lux says for herself, smiling her cherry lip gloss smile into the mirror. With one last flip of her hair and a final makeup check, Lux thinks that she's almost ready. That is, if she can remember how to walk, or even move for that matter.

From the other room, Baze's voice booms, "Lux! Jones is here!"

"One minute," Lux shouts back. _Right now, _Lux reminds herself, _right now Bug isn't what's important. Tonight I'm just like any other high school girl. Tonight, I'm normal. _After assuring herself with one last smile into the mirror, Lux turns and heads out to the loft living room. That's where she finds Jones', the nice boy wearing a clean-cut suit, pacing nervously, and Baze, the rookie father watching Jones' every move.

"You look amazing," Jones fumbles out, astounded that he is lucky enough to be taking bong girl to the Winter Formal.

Lux and Jones continue to roll their eyes and smile knowing at each other through some of the more basic pre-dance rituals, but secretly Lux has always hoped a night like this would come for her. After Baze lends the two a few words of advise and approval, Lux and Jones are out the door and on their way.

Walking up to her first dance ever, Lux doesn't know how to feel. She's happy to be with Jones, happy to be normal, but no amount of music or dancing can distract her from the fact that things have never been messier with her and Bug. However, before she can stop to consider her own feelings the cold air and the feeling of Jones' arm around her waist, escorting her to the building shifts her focus from worry to excitement. Though, that changes quickly.

"Lux...is that your...?" Jones says, now looking in the exact same direction Lux is, his jaw hanging just like her's.

"Cate," Lux finishes Jones' thought for him.


	3. Chapter 3

The moon light, millions of miles away, is shining through the large hallway windows and playing as the only light source. The mood is set here for Lux who is sitting at the foot of a pillar trying to take the whole night in, figuring out where everything went so wrong. All Lux knows is that it was after Bug left, but sometime before Baze waved his condom in Jones' face, letting the nice guy who held Lux's hand and made her smile know that the pretty blonde girl was back with her boyfriend.

And now, it was all a mess.

"High school dances suck, no matter how old you are," the sound of her mothers voice makes Lux snap her head around. They say you never forget it. Even if you're separated from birth. Cate comes and sits next to Lux. For a moment, Cate looks at Lux, really looks at her and, for the first time that night, realizes that this is tough for her daughter as well. "You seem more upset than I do," Cate says, as soothing as possible. Lux doesn't say anything back.

In the past few months, Lux has had all of her wishes come true, meeting her mom and her dad, even getting to live with them and have them care for her. But, somewhere along the way she has also learned what it's like when reality doesn't live up to the dream and even the parents who are most determined can still let you down. And, after such a ride, Lux doesn't have many words to offer. But Cate will be damned if she stops trying this time. "I'm guessing that this isn't the time for a mother daughter, heart-to-heart?"

Lux looks back to Cate, trying to hide the fact that being included in a "mother, daughter" anything makes her heart skip a beat. "You mean where you give me some profound piece of advice that is somehow relevant to both of our lives? Probably not."

Obviously hurt and let down, Cate nods, but then quickly changes her mind. "Can I just say one thing? And I promise it won't be that insightful or profound?" Cate doesn't wait for Lux to reply. "We all have things that we hold on to, things that we can't let go of. I mean, you were right about Baze. I keep punishing him, keeping him from feeling better about the past because I can't feel better about it. And until I do, I don't want to let him off the hook."

Lux knows where this is going, and while she doesn't want it to go there, she can't help but feel warm hearing her mother giving her advice. Something she never thought she'd have. "Maybe you can relate a little?" Cate says, "Maybe you don't want to let me feel better either?"

She knows Cate is right. With all her heart, Lux knows that everything Cate is saying to her is spot on. But her heart is still hurting and she can't make it stop, her mind is still falling apart and all she can do is let it. Maybe she wants Cate to feel everything too so that she can understand it a little bit, know where Lux is coming from. But Lux doesn't want to be mad at her, she just wants to be okay. "I know you don't feel better yet," Cate tells Lux, "And I can't fix it for you. The same way that Baze can't fix it for me. Maybe we just have to do it for ourselves."

Poison. The word pops in Lux's head. All this time she's been drinking poison but expecting Cate to die. _Don't ruin your make up, Lux. Don't you dare cry._

"But," Cate continues, pulling Lux back to her attention, "If you could, hurry. So I don't have to show up at a school dance to be part of your life." Trying to process everything, Lux can't help but chuckle to herself. She knows she's been unfair, and she's known it all along. But, this is the first time she's caught herself caring.

"I miss you," Cate tells her. From mother to daughter. A few loose tears find their way down Lux's cheek as she wonders if Cate knows that no other adult has ever said that to her before. No one else has noticed when she's not around. She can't help it, she can't be mad, the words sound so good when their said back. "I miss you, too," Lux admits to Cate. And she has. Her whole life she has.

For a moment of unmistakable silence, Lux and Cate just look at each other, smiling their most natural smiles. It doesn't fix anything, but they both know that it's a start.

"I'm sorry," a man says from behind them. The girls turn to see Math, Baze's roommate and Cate's long time friend and, original, chaperone date standing behind them. They both smile and greet him.

"I don't mean to bug you guys but, Lux, someone's looking for you." Math motions to the dance hall and, at the same time Cate and Lux get up. As Lux moves to the party, a feeling falls between her and Cate. A feeling she doesn't know, but she knows is good.

Finally, Lux smiles again.


	4. Chapter 4

The lights in the gym are fading, bringing the night and the dance to an end. The music and dances are slowing down, everything is slowing down.

As Lux comes into the gym, her head still spinning from her conversation with Cate, she looks around, trying to find Jones, assuming he came back to talk to her about everything that had happened. However, Lux doesn't see Jones, instead she sees Bug.

Standing in the middle of the dance floor, wearing his only button up shirt and tie, Bug is holding a huge bouquet of flowers and looking around. The next moment, he sees her. When their eyes meet, Lux isn't sure whether she should smile or cry or both, all she can think to do is to slowly move towards him, one step at a time. Seeing Lux, Bug can't help but allow a smile to cross his face. He can't believe how gorgeous the girl he loves looks. As they get closer, Lux's attempt to keep back a smile starts to fail.

"They're paid for," Bug says as he hands Lux the flowers. Her efforts are broken as Lux breaks a chuckle, remembering the time he had stolen flowers for her. Even if it was only in this small way, Lux can see that, to some degree, Bug has changed for her. He still is changing.

Taking the flowers, Lux looks into Bug's eyes, wondering when the boy she fell in love with decided to become a man. For the first time, he surprised her. He swept her off her feet without her seeing it coming, made her happy when she least expected him to. For the first time since he left, Lux sees a hint of the man in him she always knew was there.

"Whatever you want to do, I'm here," the words flow from Bug's lips and into Lux's ears the same way she always dreamed they would. Ever since everything changed, ever since Lux went back to live with her birth parents, she's just wanted to know that Bug would still love her no matter what. And now, knowing that, all of the love she's had for Bug floods back. Everything feels alright around him again. All of the reasons she fell for the tough guy that rides a motorcycle are obvious to her again.

"Prom queen," Bug continues, "President. Whatever. I want to be here." This is all she wanted. Her whole life, Lux has just wanted someone to tell her that they wanted to be with her through anything.

The world underneath Lux's feet seems to stop turning and, in the moment, all that Lux is aware of is the boy standing in front of her and the song playing around them: Lovers Without Love. For so long, Lux worried that's exactly what her and Bug would always be, lovers without any love to show for it. But now, as she stares at her version of a knight in shining armor, she knows that they've always had love, or some variety of it. They've always been special.

Lux wants to say all of this to Bug, but can't find her words. So she just smiles, hoping he gets it. "Even if it means being at a dance with people," Bug takes a breath, trying to find the way to admit he's vulnerable. Lux moves to look him in the eye but, as usual he dodges it, afraid that, maybe, Lux will see a little bit more of him than he's willing to admit to her. "I don't feel good enough to be around." Bug finishes.

As he does, Lux moves even closer to him. She doesn't care if this is a dream or not anymore. If it is, she doesn't mind because at least she gets to see it.

"You're good enough, Bug," Lux says. After the words fly from her lips like music, everything about Bug seems to light up brighter than any light in the gym around him. Through everything, through all of the recent changes, all Bug's wanted was to hear that he was still enough for Lux. That even with her shiny new house and shiny new school, he still meant just as much to her. And knowing now that he does, and always has, Bug wants nothing more than to hold her in his arms.

But Lux beats him to it.

"In fact," she starts putting her arms gently around him. They make eye contact before she continues, and she looks into the eyes of someone she knows she'll always love. "You're better," Lux promises him.

The moment after that never seems to end as the two of them dance to the world around them. Slowly, they grasp each other tight, both of them rejoicing in the long awaited sense of warmth.

The lights dim and, suddenly, people begin to abandon the dance floor, but not Lux and Bug. Instead, Bug keeps Lux in his arms, moves her hair from her ear, and whispers just one thing to her, "I'm here, Lux. I'm not going anywhere ever again."


	5. Chapter 5

"Lux, Cate dropped something off for you," Bug says through the bathroom door.

"Alright, hold on," Lux says as she steps out of the shower. After wrapping herself in a towel, Lux moves over to look into the mirror. She hardly registered what Bug had said, all that she can think about is what she knows she has to do next. "It's probably nothing," she assures herself, "It's probably nothing. Just do it."

After pulling on a clean pair of jeans and a blue, flannel shirt, Lux dives into the bag next to the bathroom door. From there, she retrieves the long, rectangular box she bought not even an hour ago. After opening it, she just stares blankly at the contents. Not feeling old enough to even be holding this, Lux considers throwing it back into her bag and continuing to ignore it for a little while longer. But, she knows she can't do that.

"Lux," Bug says, knocking on the door, "You coming? You're gonna wanna see this."

"Yeah, give me a minute," Lux says as she sits on the toilet and stares at the pregnancy test in her hand.

Still ringing out her wet hair, Lux comes out of the studio apartment bathroom to find Bug laying on his back on the mattress. "What was it Cate dropped off with me?"

"I put it on the counter."

Luxe moves over to the kitchen, spotting the large white envelope. On the front, there's a title reading "City of Portland Child Protection Services" and a hand written sticky note from Cate that Lux reads softly to herself: "Whenever you're ready."

Lux knows what this is, but she forces herself to open it before coming up with any sort of assumptions. "Is that what I think it is?" Bug asks, making his way over to Lux. She doesn't reply right away, she just continues opening the envelope and then going on to reading the sheets of paper inside. "Adoption papers," Lux confirms after reading through the first few lines. "They want to adopt me."

Not knowing what to say, Bug wraps his arms around Lux's waist from behind her. "What are you thinking?" he asks her gently.

"I have to dry my hair," Lux says immediately, releasing herself from Bug's grip. Without leaving enough time for Bug to say anything, Lux bursts back into the bathroom. She makes a B-Line for the sink and picks up the test she left behind. Sure enough, on the little screen, there is a big plus sign.

Bug wanted to know what Lux was thinking the moment that she saw the adoption papers from Cate, but she couldn't tell him that her exact thoughts were of her own child. The one she's pregnant with.

Terrified, Lux places her hand over her stomach, not moving another muscle. Question after question flies through her head but she can't figure out one answer for any of them. All she knows is that this isn't what's supposed to happen. She's not supposed to be pregnant at 16, her and Bug aren't supposed to be parents, not ever.

The adoption papers run through her head once again, gripping her tight. _How can I be adopted? _She asks herself, _How can I be adopted, be someone's child when I'm abou__t to have one of my own? _Lux can't force herself to move. She can't force herself to make even the slightest sound. Adoption papers, it runs through her mind again and again. Her breathing slows down, her heart drops, everything around her stops making sense. Adoption papers. Adoption papers. Tears flood Lux's eyes and for the first time in a long time, Lux doesn't even attempt to stop them from coming.

There, on the bathroom floor is where Lux, for the first time, finds herself having no idea what she should do. Confused about becoming a parent, as well as confused about her own, Lux feels more lost than ever and she doesn't even know how to start searching for a way out. _A way out,_ she thinks to herself, _that's what Cate wanted. A way out._


	6. Chapter 6

A large truck speeding down the street blows wind in Lux's face and through her hair. But she barely feels it. She hasn't felt much since this afternoon at all. "Lux," Bug says coming down the stairs from the apartment, "You forgot this." Coming out to the street, Bug hands her the small backpack she left behind in the studio. After a quick kiss of gratitude, Lux smiles and shifts the backpack onto her shoulders and then picks up her large duffel off the ground. Looking at Lux, Bug can't help but feel sad. "So are you gonna tell them?" he asks. Lux snaps her head to him, both confused and terrified.

"What? Tell them what?" she snaps. Bug looks at her, confused.

"That you're ready for them to adopt you," he says questioningly.

"Oh," Lux breathes. She knows she should have told Bug about the test, but somehow she can't bring herself to say it. "No, I'm not. I'm not ready yet. But I want to be. So I need to be around them more."

"I get it babe, alright? And I'm so happy for you," Bug says, grabbing her face to kiss the top of her head. "You'll call me tonight, right?"

"Yeah, of course," Lux smiles. Through her words, she knows that she is lying to him. She knows that if she does call him, the truth will more than likely come out and she's not ready for that. Not yet. "Good," Bug says with a smile, "So who's picking you up?"

"Oh, uhm..." Lux starts to speak, but before she can finish her sentence, a silver car pulls up to the sidewalk next to Lux and Bug. Ryan pulls down the window and waves to Lux. "Hey," he says cooly, "You ready?"

"Ryan," Lux says with a shrug. She kisses Bug on the cheek and then throws her bags into the back of Ryan's car before getting into the passenger seat.

"Ready to go?" Ryan asks her after she's buckled in. Lux nods.

The car starts and Lux turns to look out the window. On the street she sees children with their parents, and she knows that "mom" is never a roll she will be good at. As the car hits the highway, headed for the only place Lux has ever truly called home, Lux touches the window. "I'm nowhere near ready," she admits almost silently to herself.

The rest of the long drive across town, all Lux can think about is what she is going to say to Cate tonight. The truth, she knows that, but the truth about what? The test? She figures it's too early to tell Cate about that, so what _can _she say to Cate? Blood rushes to Lux's face and she knows her head must be about to blow off. The moment of anger that has become familiar to Lux throughout her life has come back with the same question. The question that has been playing over in her head repeatedly for sixteen years. The same question she yelled at Cate just yesterday. _How the Hell could she just give me up, never check on me again?_ That's when Lux decides, she's going to say anything to make Cate understand. It's the only way she knows to make things work.

_But what about the baby? _Lux asks herself, _how do I make _that _work? _Without knowing she's doing it, she places her hand over her stomach. For a moment, just a fleeting second as she realizes she has life in her, Lux can see the beauty of this. But when the anxiety sets in, the terror, the beauty feels dangerous. "Stomach ache?" Ryan asks, looking over at Lux.

Lux looks right back at him, and covers herself up with a smile and nod, "Yeah, just a bit."

The rest of the ride, Lux pretends to be listening to Ryan's stories about his day at work and the awkward questions the listeners called in with. On a normal day, Lux might be listening. But not today. Today, as Lux watches day turn to night outside the car window, she wonders about the year ahead of her. She tries to fathom the idea that her life will more than likely be unrecognizable a year from today. Somewhere on the road, Lux finds herself letting go. She'll decide the rest of her life when she's home, but right now she's tired. Right now, all that matters is getting to Cate's.

"Welcome home," Ryan tells her, smiling as he opens the front door for Lux to walk in. As she does, she sees Cate coming in through the kitchen. Seeing Lux with packed bags and Ryan following in behind her, Cate dares to smile, dares to hope that Lux is coming back to her.

_Say everything, _Lux tells herself. _She needs to hear everything._

"Hi," Lux says setting her bags down before walking further up to Cate. She jumps right into everything without missing a beat.

"Here's the thing," Lux starts, "I can't promise that this is going to work. Or that I won't get upset and take it out on you." Lux stops to take a breath. She can tell by the way Cate is looking at her, that she is listening, really listening. "I know that I seem like I'm okay," Lux continues, "But I'm more messed up inside than you realize. And the truth is...I don't forgive you. I don't know when I'll ever be able to forgive you." The words taste like vinegar as they come out of Lux's mouth and all she can hope for is that Cate can see where she's coming from. Love her anyway. "Lux," Cate says, "You don't have to forgive me. You don't ever have to."

Lux nods. She may not have to forgive Cate, but it's the things she wants most. She wants to be able to forgive Cate, to see everything about the last sixteen years the way Cate has. Just to comprehend it a bit. Once again, Lux's attention is brought back to what will one day be her child. She needs to forgive Cate, because she knows that very soon, she will know exactly what it's like to be in her shoes. But despite all of that, Lux cannot bring herself to forgive Cate. She can't wish the hurt away, but she's going to try. That's why she's here, standing in front of Cate, saying all of this to her: because she is going to fix things or die trying.

"I just want a chance to make it right with you," Cate says to Lux, her whole heart behind the words. Before she knows it, Lux is crying. She doesn't want to stop. She wants to cry forever. She doesn't want Cate to swoop down and make everything better, she just wants to be comforted. Lux knows she's scared to death, and that part she's okay with. She just wants Cate to be here. "Will you tell me what I have to do to make it right?" Cate asks.

Lux hears her mom ask the same question she's been asking herself all day. "Let me come home," Lux says. After she says that, Lux feels more tears coming and coming fast. Tonight, Lux decides, Cate can see what a mess she is. She folds herself into Cate's arms, finding the warmth she'd always dreamed of for her entire life.

Right here, Lux realizes, is where her dreamland is. In this moment, Lux remembers all of the years that she dreamed of what it would be like to be held by her mother, and she remembers how much the wondering killed her. And now, she knows that she doesn't have to make her kid wonder. Her kid could always know what it's like to be held by their mother and she could make all of the pain she went through nonexistent for a beautiful child. But the thought still lingers_: what if I'm no good for them?_

With all the hurt built up in her heart, Lux closes her eyes. Cate is so warm, and the feeling in her arms is unlike any other feeling.

_No kid should have to miss out on this._


	7. Chapter 7

Up in her room, the converted attic, Lux paces frantically, not knowing what to do, or how to handle everything in her life. The longer she paces, the more she worries, and the more things she thinks of to worry about. First she worries about Cate, and Baze, and even Ryan. Lux turns in her head that maybe, when they find out she's having a baby, they'll feel differently about her, that everything they've gained together in the last month or so will be erased. She worries that, maybe, they won't want to adopt her anymore. That's when Lux starts worrying about the fact that, even without the pregnancy, she still has no idea how she is going to deal with the adoption issue. Next, Lux worries about Bug. She knows that her moving in with Cate and Baze alone was already almost too much for Bug to handle and she can tell that the adoption papers are not going to make things any easier for the two of them. How is he going to feel about a baby? From that moment on, Lux's fears and worries are doubled. All day she's been worrying that she and Bug won't make good parents, but what if Bug won't be a parent at all? What if he leaves her? The past few weeks have already proved that history can, and does, repeat itself. What if Bug leaves her all alone to figure it out? Lux can feel sweat pouring down her face. She's watched enough TV shows to know that excess stress is bad for a baby and worrying can be dangerous. Now, Lux can't help but worry about how much she's worrying, and worry about the fact that she could be hurting the baby before she even knows how she is going to handle everything.

"God damn," Lux whispers to herself as she falls to sit on her bed, rubbing her sweat-dripping face, "I can't take this."

At some point, Lux's body gives out and she falls asleep.

The morning light, fluttering into Lux's eyes wakes her up. Blinking at the bright light, she slowly comes back to the real world. _Maybe it was all a bad dream,_ she thinks to herself, _maybe none of it actually happened._ Though, as her eyes adjust and her mind comes back to life, Lux knows that it wasn't a dream. It's real, and she has to be the one who figures out what to do about it.

Feeling overwhelmed and sick, Lux puts the pillow next to her head over her face and then rolls on her side. If Tasha were still in Portland, Lux would call her now, ask her to come over and make everything okay the way she usually does. But Tasha's three hours away and Lux couldn't feel more alone.

"So how did you sleep last night?" Cate asks Lux over their burnt breakfast. Ever since last night, when Lux came home, Cate has been glowing brighter than Lux has ever seen. "Fine," Lux says with a huge, fake smile, wanting more than anything to return Cate's joy and excitement.

"Good," Cate says, nodding and pouring herself a cup of coffee. When the mug is full, she puts the coffee pot down and looks over at Lux across the table. Everything about her looks normal, her blonde hair still bounces as she moves, she's still the same, grungy, yet gorgeous, teenage girl she's come to know and love, but Cate can see that something about Lux is not the same, something about her is off. "So, it's Friday. Are you doing anything tonight?" Cate asks.

"I don't know," Lux says with a shrug, "Maybe."

"Alright," Cate says, still smiling as she watches Lux pick at her vegetarian bacon, "Just let me know when you're going to be home, okay?"

"Oh," Lux says, slowly looking up towards Cate, "I know I just moved back in and all but...I have weekends with Baze, remember? I - I'm going to be over there tonight and tomorrow night." The reminder hits Cate for a moment, throwing her off. She nods, now remembering the discussion they had with Fern the other day, and secretly wishing Lux had come home earlier in the week. "Oh, right, well that's fine! Ryan is staying over tonight anyway, so that's actually perfect," Cate lies, now also faking a smile. Lux smiles back even though she knows how much she just let Cate down.

The table is suddenly filled with silence as Cate and Lux just smile awkwardly and pick at the breakfast neither one of them are enjoying very much. Finally, the sound of Baze honking his truck's horn saves the two from the uncomfortable meal. "That's my ride," Lux says, nearly jumping out of her seat. As she dashes to the front door, only stopping to grab her bag from off the couch, Cate also gets up and moves to meet her at the front door. "Alright," she says, "Well, have a good day, alright? I'll pick you up from Baze's on Sunday!"

"That's okay, I can walk," Lux says as she swings open the front door, "Thanks anyway." With that, the door shuts closed and Lux is gone. Cate can't help thinking how, once again, she is alone in the house.


	8. Chapter 8

"Alright, kiddo, have a good day," Baze says as he pulls up to Lux's school and stops for her. Lux goes to gather her things and get out. "Do you need me to pick you up?" Baze asks as she opens the car door.

"Nah, I think I'll find a ride," Lux says. Baze nods and Lux jumps out of the car and runs up to the building.

On her way, Lux sees Jones getting out of his Jeep. After stopping for a brief moment to think, Lux goes over to talk to him. They hadn't talked since the Winter Formal and, for some reason, Lux just doesn't want to watch that friendship disappear. Not like that. Not because of that night.

"Hi," Lux says with a smile as she walks up to Jones. He looks at her for a moment, but then shakes his head and continues to grab his things from the backseat of his Jeep. The happy, blonde boy now seems to want nothing to do with Lux, but she's not taking no for an answer. "The silent treatment. Very effective." Lux's words seem to only make Jones even more upset. Without saying anything at all back, he slams the car door and walks away. Lux follows him, desperate now. "Look," Lux says, chasing after him, "I'm sorry, okay? About the Winter Formal."

"Which part are you sorry about? That you came with me, or that you left with your boyfriend?" Jones' words are angry, but Lux can tell that they aren't bitter. As much as he wants to deny it, she can tell he understands at least a little. Before Lux can reply, one of Jones' football buddies calls him from another car in the parking lot, "Hey, Jones! You're folks going out of town tonight?"

"Yeah!" Jones hollers back, "They're leaving at four!" Jones walks off, Lux following behind him as his buddies high-five.

Lux smiles, "So the liquor cabinet will be raided at 4:05?" Lux asks sarcastically, a smirk dashing across her face. If she knows one thing at all about Jones, she knows he loves to party. "Am I that predictable?" He asks, grinning slightly too.

"In a word," Lux says, "Yes." The two of them stop walking and chuckle to themselves.

Both Jones and Lux can tell that finally the ice is broken. After a moment, Jones shakes his head and moves closed to Lux, much friendlier and sweeter now. "Look," he says, giving up on being mad, "I'm having some people over tonight, if you want to stop by." Lux smiles, knowing that Jones wants her to be there a lot more than he'd ever say. "You could even bring your boyfriend," Jones continues, as he backs up towards the school building, "It'd be great to see him again." The sarcasm in Jones' voice makes Lux laugh slightly. Despite the fact that Bug is clearly not actually invited, she's happy that, at least, her and Jones aren't damaged too severely.

Walking to her first class, Lux realizes that talking to Jones was the first time since she saw the pink plus sign flashing on her pregnancy test that she hasn't thought about everything that could go wrong in the coming months, or even weeks. But then, as it had every time, one thought ruins any sense of relaxation. Lux remembers that, despite his cool exterior, the fact that Lux slept with Bug bothered Jones, and it almost ruined their friendship. If anyone isn't going to see Lux's pregnancy as anything but a punch in the face, it'll be Jones.


	9. Chapter 9

"Sorry, my timing was just off," Chris says as he picks the driver's license up off the floor.  
"Or maybe you just suck and blow at suck and blow," Lux says with a smirk. As she expected, the entire room lights up with her comment and she can't figure out why she likes that so much. "Okay, my turn," Jones says, coming in to sit next to Lux. He pulls his license out of his pocket, puts it to his lips, and sucks in as he turns to Lux. Right before he passes her the card, he pulls it out from between their lips, letting his lips meet Lux's.

In the moment of shock, Lux just stares at Jones, outraged that he would stoop to that level. "You have got to be fucking kidding me," she says as she storms out of the living room.

She finds herself in the kitchen as Jones chases after her. She hardly even notices that she makes a B-Line for the keg. "I'm sorry," Jones said, though his sincerity is undermined by his smirk. His cool, quarterback, silly ass smirk. The smirk that enrages Lux beyond measure. "What the Hell was that?" Lux accuses, not even noticing that she is filling her cup with beer.  
"It was an accident."  
"You know that I'm with Bug, I think that I've made myself pretty clear," she says as she realizes the cup in her hand and what it's filled with. Trying not to freak, she casually throws the liquid down the drain in the sink next to her. Lux moves to leave the kitchen, but Jones moves in her way. "I'm sorry, okay?" He says, now looking sweet and sincere. "I just…I like you."  
"Jones," Lux warns. She doesn't want him to like her. If he likes her, things get complicated. More complicated than they already are. If he likes her, he likes the girl who got knocked up before the winter formal by a guy who wash't her date. If he likes her, nothing is simple anymore. "I know," Jones continues, "Lux, I get it, okay? And I'll back off. You're just not an easy person to walk away from. But, c'mon, stay. You can sit between Chris and Ben. Deal?" Looking into Jones' innocent, happy face, Lux can't help but crack a smile. "Deal."

"Truth or dare," Chris says, nodding across the circle, "Spin the bottle version." Everyone around the circle laughs.  
"Dude, c'mon," Jones says to his friend.  
"What are we twelve?" Lux asks. Looking around the circle, Lux realizes why she and Tasha never got jealous of these "normal kid" parties.  
"Dude," Ben says, backing his friend up, "Don't hate on truth or dare. Lot's of fun to be had!" The sarcastic comment sends another wave of laughter through everyone in the circle. "Fine," Jones says laughing, "I'm in." Around the circle everyone goes, reluctantly saying that they'll play the juvenile game. Finally, last of all, all eyes are on Lux. She laughs, and looks around. "Anyone have a bottle."

"Alright, and the first dare goes to…." Chris says excitedly, watching the beer bottle turn around the circle until it finally lands on Jones. "Jones, my man! Truth or dare?"  
"Dare," Jones says with a sigh.  
"This," Chris says standing up, "Is going to take some privacy. Come with me brother." Chris makes Jones stand up and then leads him away from the group. For a moment, they all watch the two leave, but then turn their attention back to the bottle. "They're going to go for 5 minutes in the elevator," someone says. Following the joke, everyone laughs. "Alright," Ben says, calming down, "I'll spin next." After multiple rotations, the neck of the bottle lands pointing directly at Lux. She tilts her head back, annoyed since she had been hoping the bottle would magically never land on her. "Truth or dare?" Ben asks suggestively.  
"Well considering some pretty awful things are probably happening to Jones right now, I'm going to have to go with truth. What do you want to know?"  
"So in foster care," Ben starts. Just the beginning draws everyone in, "Did you have hot, nasty sex with any of the dads? I mean, you're jail bait" Many or the partygoers around the circle burst out in howling laughter, while the few others look towards Lux both concerned and curious, also. Everything swells to the top of Lux's head. She can't find anything to say, and all she can think to do is get up and leave. And that's exactly what she does.

Bursting through the clogs of people in the house, Lux tries to figure out where she is going. She's leaving, she knows that, but where is she going? She looks out the window and sees nothing more than a deluge. Jones. That's where she's going. Maybe he'll take her home if she explains to him what happened. Maybe he can take her home in his warm car to her warm house and she can forget that any of this ever happened. Any of it at all. No more pregnancy, no more adoption papers, no more immature ass holes. Maybe she can just find some warmth. "Hey," Lux says to the first stranger she comes across, "Have you seen Jones?"  
"Yeah," the guy says, "I think that I saw him go into there!" He points to a clear door leading to a hallway. Lux smiles and thanks him and then continues to follow the directions.

She finds Jones, but she finds him on top of a girl, both of their shirts off, belts and buttons on the bottom undone, grinding into each other on top of a washer and dryer. Seeing everything, Lux has to take a moment to put it all together. When she does, she feels like vomiting. "I - Sorry," she mumbles. She takes an extra second to make eye contact with Jones, throwing him a look no one wants to see from anyone. Then, she storms out, slamming the door behind her. Not even sure why she's upset.

"Lux," Jones calls behind her as she storms towards the door. She decides she's going to plunge through the rain. That's where she's going. She's not staying here. She can't, she can't be here. "Lux, wait up," he says again. She doesn't, but he catches up with her. "What are you doing?" He asks.  
"Leaving," she says blankl, though now she's come to a full stop and looking at him.  
"Why? Because I was with another girl?" Jones says. From the moment Lux walked in, he knew that this would make things uncomfortable, but he doesn't understand why Lux is so upset. "You said you liked me. That you couldn't walk away from me. Remember?" Hearing her own words, Lux knows that she's not being rational. Maybe she is being crazy, but maybe she also likes having someone chase her for once. "Yeah," Jones says, now more confused that ever, "But it's not like I'm going to stand around forever, either."  
"So you're going to try and make me jealous instead?" Lux says. She doesn't know why she is so hurt. All she knows is that she is. She just wants to feel better. She wants everything to be okay. "I'm not trying to make you anything," Jones explains, "I mean we weren't exactly on display. Look, you've made it clear, we're not dating. And, it's not like we're going to Winter Formal later."  
"So that's what this was," Lux says, another reason to be upset popping into her head, "Payback." Every time Jones says something, Lux can find another reason to layer the blame onto him. It's easier for her. She just doesn't know why. "No. But you can't have it both ways," Jones tells her.  
"I'm not trying to!" Lux says.

That's when she can't take it anymore. She turns around to walk out the front door, hoping to God that just this one time Jones doesn't follow her. She doesn't want to be mad at him. She's _not_ mad at him. She's just mad and Jones was screwing a girl who wasn't her, making him the perfect target for her fury. However, Jones does follow her. "Then why are you so mad?" He asks, truly wanting to know what is going on with her. But then, he reaches out to touch Lux's arm, an attempt to make her stay and talk to him, but he ends up with his hand over her belly, snapping something inside her head. Something she can't stop. "Just leave me alone!" She yells at him. Things around them get quieter as Jones puts his hands up and walks away from her backwards. After a few moments of burning eye contact, and awkward stares by partygoers around them, Lux storms out the front door, not knowing what she just did or why she did it.

As she steps into the rain, allowing her hair to be thoroughly soaked, Lux gently places her hand back over her belly. She knows that she can't keep going on this way. She can't continue walking around blind, hoping she finds the right way to go, because she knows that she won't be able to alone. Lux knows that she needs help with this, and she knows the one person who can help her most. For a brief moment, Lux closes her eyes and takes a deep breath in. She smells the rain, and allows herself to feel again. Then, as she takes off walking, she pulls out her cell phone. "Baze, hi," she says when he picks up, "Look, I know that I was going to spend the weekend at your place, but I think I'm going to stay with Cate. You know, since I just moved back in."

After talking to Baze, Lux considers calling Ryan or Cate to have one of them pick her up, but she decides not to. Right now, she wants to walk. And so she does. She walks off down the street, hoping that somewhere along the next mile and a half, something comes to her, something comes and makes everything okay again.


End file.
